10 days home...

I don't even know where to begin... I'm 10 days home. I'm definitely not dealing with the thoughts and feelings I presumed I would be. The challenges I thought would be faced haven't occurred yet - or if at all.
So much isn't anything like I thought it'd be.

How did I think it'd be?

I remember I was a freshman in college. It was winter/spring. Basketball season was coming to an end. I was at the shop getting an oil change, when there was bit of a stir. Going back to check on my car it was found where someone has keyed something profane into the hood of it. What a blow. Dad was upset. He accused, "What did you do?".
"I didn't do anything!"
"Well obviously you did something."
"I don't know, I thought everybody liked me."

The deception.

Later in college, I was in a fight with my boyfriend at the time. We got into an argument and words out of his mouth were... not the most kind.

The desperation.

Now, here I am, home again. Having lived away from everything the last 4 years. Learned tough lessons. Learned to live with just myself. Learned how to work from the bottom up. Learned to do things on my own and be proud of it. Learned to not be afraid to learn. Learned to be strong and know what I know and why I know it. Here I am, home again.

The reality.

In ten days what I really learned is I'd only become a monster. I want to go back.

That's what 10 days home feel like.