Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Life is a Struggle, only because....I meddle

Life on my own is great!! I work easy hours, hang out with friends from the moment I get off at work until wee hours of the morning, I can do what I want, see what I want, sleep when I want and its fantastic! No rules!!

And that statement above is a total lie.

Well, not totally... Life is great, but its hard. There are many days I've worked 12-15 hours. Everytime I've made a close friend, they move or something in life keeps us from hanging out. I work out as much as I can because its human interaction that I wouldn't have if I just went home every night afterwork. I crash before midnight nearly every night because I don't have a curfew, or really any reasons to stay out late. I have lots of rules, but ones I give myself. Because if there is anything that living on your own proves, its the true character you have within yourself. Who you really are.

Its been a roller coaster of ups and downs, but I still have no complaints. But my latest struggle is "what's next"? What I am supposed to do next? Is it stay here? Is it go to school? Is it engulf myself in all these extracaricular activites bettering the humanity of the valley?

I always wonder this. Every day I ask, God, what's next? What am I supposed to do next? What do you want me to do next? And I'm realizing... He doesn't want me to do anything.

He wants me love Him. Trust Him. Talk to Him. Praise Him. And live in worship every second of every day. So far thats the only command He has made clear. As well as whats in His Word.

So many times I've played the role as God's adlibber trying to fill in the blanks of His story for my life. But its not my story to tell. Its not my life. Its His. I am His. And I have to trust Him.

And those of you who know me, I am an ansy little girl. So sitting and being is very difficult for me. But I also know that when He is ready to send me on my next assignment, everything will fall into place exactly how He wants it. I just have to continue to pray that this is exactly the will He wants in my life.


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