Monday, June 23, 2014

It's Not Goodbye

People say its not "goodbye", its only "see you later". It sure feels like goodbye to me. How is it possible I feel so much sadness and happiness at the same time. I'm full of joy and tears. I'm excited and nauseas with dread. I look at things and places as if I'll never see them again. I may not ever see them again. We're not guaranteed tomorrow. But knowing there is an "end" nearby, all my surroundings become much more surreal.

This isn't cheap talk anymore. These aren't just ideas. My empty words are instantly filled with meaning and truth. I'm moving home. Is this real life? Am I one day going to make the drive to Ohio with no knowledge of when I'll return to the place I love? How is it possible I used to hate it so much? This is my home now. My home. MY HOME!

I'm choosing to turn my life upside-down and trust God's plans are bigger than my own. I won't lie. I'm so scared. It hurts so bad. My heart is so broken. I want to be in both places so badly. I want to be home so badly. I don't want to leave here so badly. If I lived in a sci-fi novel I can choose which universe I want to be in today.

I'm going to miss my mountains, but I love those cornfields. I'm going to miss the fog topped rivers covered so evenly like a perfect latte, but look forward to seeing a sunrise and sunset again.

Let's focus on what's ahead. I once heard a Japanese proverb:
“One chance, one meeting, one moment, one memory, treasure every moment for it will never reoccur!”
How is it I've forgotten to live this way? I can't now. I have 6 weeks to soak it up. Take it all in. Treasure each meeting, moment, and memory.


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