Friday, February 10, 2012

What is this feeling?

Am I numb? Am I in denial? Has it not hit me yet?

I don't think it's any of these. If I close my eyes, all I see and feel is Christ holding me in His arms and taking all the pain I'm feeling as I am cradled and safe from any outside affliction.

"There He goes, a Hero,
A savior to the world
Here he stands
With scars in his hands
With love
He gave
His life
So we could be free
The Savior of the world..."

These are the lyrics streaming through my buds at this very moment... How precious is Christ that He would do what He did for me.

How can I be angry, sad, or distraught for the person I've lost here on this earth?!
My flesh wants to be devistated. It wants to be upset and sad that I should have done more, I should have said more, I should have sacrificed more. But it is Christ who is constantly telling me that I didn't have to do anything. That He did it all for me. I just have to continue to love and follow Him, and that is what is good enough.

Pastor knew. He knew how God has changed my life. And that is all he needed to know. He wasn't disappointed in me for the years I ran from God. He was thankful for the recent time I've come back to Him.

Thank you, God for sharing this with me. Thank you for being so compassionate that I don't need to worry or be ashamed. All it took was one final conversation for Pastor to know his years of prayers and tears were not in vain. That I made it. That I got it. That I finally surrendered. My life of following Christ was another miracle that Pastor got to see before returning to his real home.

Praise you, Jesus! Praise and glory be to you!!


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