The Aggravation
If you have Pinterest or Instagram, you have heard this phrase. Lately, I've been a tad unsettled with my life. Not unhappy, just unsettled. My life, my job, my friends, my "family" , everything here in PA is great - amazing even! But I want more. I love my life, but I want another life, too. I want to embrace the creative in me. I want to be that photographer I've always wanted to be. I want to be in my coffee shop, back with my favorite customers. I want to travel with endless vacations. I know there must be a balance where happiness meets my passion. I refuse to let inspiration die. I journal and write ideas nearly everyday. I use social media to follow people who inspire me. But lately I haven't been inspired, I've just been jealous.
The Problem
Am I the first person to admit this? I hope not. I know I shouldn't be, but I am. I'm not the kind of jealous that I hate these people for being awesome, I'm the kind of jealous where I feel stuck and don't know how to be where they're at. Doing what they love and loving what they do.
The Example
Scrolling through Instagram I spot one of the lovely daily posts from Cordeliaann (she always posts the best pictures!!), and her caption is DO WHAT YOU LOVE. LOVE WHAT YOU DO, expanding on this in her blog. In this beautiful post she appreciates the blessings in her life and where the basis of her job connects with the relationships and lives of her customers. It forced me to reflect on a time I had that same life and said the exact same things. Before closing with a shout out of thankfulness, she poses this question: "... what does it look like to wake up every day and dread going to work? why would you even want to do that? is making more money and hating what you do better than making less money, but loving what you do?..." I remember saying the exact same thing.Was it only 3 years ago?I began with a rant.
The Rant
I'm trying to be honest right now, but its hard. Nobody likes to admit these moments of vulnerability. I feel weak and foolish. I'm 26 and feel like my life is falling apart more than its coming together. I confront more uncertainty than surety. Constantly pouring over social media to "be inspired", but lately frequenting more moments of suffering. Her question, my question, the question those living and doing what they love; embracing the moment their eyes open in the morning vs. fighting to stay in bed poke me, nudge me, frustrate me, and push me.
The Resolve
Maybe I need to find balance. Take up yoga!! Kidding! Okay, only partially kidding. I'd love to do more yoga. Regardless, I like my job. I love the people. I have a lot of fun. My ADD shows more often than I wish, but I can't complain. Is it what I want to do the rest of my life? No. So why do what I'm doing vs. what I love? I could go back to the coffee shop. I could go back home. I could change my lifestyle and fit yoga in. Somehow I don't feel that's what I need. I need balance. I need to learn how to love both and be satisfied.
I love my life! I am more blessed than I ever deserved. Perhaps my calling is a little different now than what it used to be. I forget I inspire people, too. I've made my life about myself for so long and forgotten about the people I see and talk to every day.
The Conclusion
My life is not about me. End of story. I believe one day, maybe even sometime soon I'll transition back into the life of being a free bird and uncertainty, but not yet, not now. There are people to inspire by just being me. Besides, comparison is the thief of joy, and who wants to be unhappy? Not I.
.::A Far Off Britt::.
This might be my favorite post by you! EVER! It's so great. You wrote beautifully. Of course you inspire people- don't forget that!!! I love you!
ReplyDeletebrit brit..sweetie. you are not alone in asking why am I not doing what I love. I am at a major falling apart time in my life too. my family, my babies, keep me happy, but I feel like everything else is falling apart too. I would love to open my own studio and be creative everyday. anyway, what im trying to say is, you are not alone, and as long as I am still above ground, you never will be. maybe someday I will get a chance to open a studio/shop, and trust me, you will be the first person I call to come be a partner. Carling is right, you do inspire people, and I love you too.
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ReplyDeleteHi my dear! I just realized (clearly I'm not a very efficient blogger) that I NEVER read your post or commented back to you when you commented to me oh so long ago! So sorry! I have to say you are just a gem. I loved this post and your kind words. I hope you find some balance, (or maybe you already have) because balance is the only key to life and happiness. I must say that even doing what I love, working at the coffee shop, I too feel uncertain at times. I hear people saying things "what is she doing with her life? did she even go to college, did she graduate? why isn't she teaching? why isn't she growing up?" I let the thoughts of others penetrate my truth which is: I will do what I am doing until it no longer feeds my happiness. AND even in those days where I don't want to wake up and go to work or I can't wait to leave I will know that uncertainty is only temporary and if we live our principals and do our very best at being our very best we will find balance. Thank you for your inspiration today!
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